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emotionally winded

there is a tragic blogging irony: whenever little/nothing of any note is occuring in my life, i feel very into blogging--in fact blogging fills up some void in my days. but whenever real big things are going down, i find myself unable to find words, nevermind blog.

in the past month so much has happened, some of it very very sad, all of it intense, and some of it good. much of it was so intimate that i have struggled with whether blogging about it would cheapen it somehow, and wondering what exactly my reasons for blogging are. i just don't know where to pick up again here in diaryland.

but i guess this here, these words, are a start.

a very abbreviated list:

flew to norway
stepgrandma died during my visit
first experience with a corpse
cried for days
unable to sleep without drugs
cried some more
read kavalier and clay for escapism
saved the life of a hedgehog
fed many ducks and black swans
swam in north sea
mailed many postcards
ate much chocolate
took overnight train to oslo alone
slept in sleeper car
awoke to angry train conductor
three days alone in oslo
slept in youth hostel
met cool german girl
saw many munch paintings
frogner park
good curry joint run by sikhs
two days in oslo with dad
became addicted to norwegian yoghurt
and museli
saw many sheep
none would let me pet them
tried to run away from my grief
barely wrote at all in my moleskine
sufjan music as companion on long walks
more tears
many pastries
weight gain
flew to iceland
3 days there
blue lagoon
broken flowers with intermission
waterfalls and geysers
great butter
head cold
guest house bedroom with sloping roof
moon/mars desolate landscape
jetlag
home
new job working for newspaper
as paginator
benefits as of january!
three dog party doing well
working 2nd shift is great
but alienating
lola digger didn't miss me

i think i will make a point of writing out a little polaroid-of-a-vignette each day of some experience i had while away. yes. that will be a good plan.

before = after