zen = amnesia = book = notes = type = profile = nhwc = px
43things = soma = three dog party = fotolog = host

night swimming=much needed

tonight at nhwc we all crushed on sufjan (by all i mean beth and sarah and i) and ate lots of good food (including lots of cheese) and talked about terribly girly things because steve (vegan male) was not able to attend. it is amazing how quickly club minus one y chromosome turns to discussions about menstruation, sex, and relationships.... the deep conversations about bartleby replaced by sapphic-themed jokes.

it is hot here in the brutal humid way that suffocates you slowly in your sleep like a meteorologic boa constrictor. you wake up covered in sweat, panting and thirsty and full of nightmare seeds. my beloved pool is partially deflated and dirty, shoved into the tree shrouded corner of the yard to save the grass that it had been destroying with its weight and solidity. there have been no bike rides to the ocean lately either. i am left to taking baths to cool myself, to balance my agitated energy with the calming water. and i delight in this, i do, but i miss being able to move by body around pushing against and dancing with water, rather then merely passively reclining in it like some paralyzed dehydrated mermaid.

summer is such a crucible for me, the heat and the lushness bring out a longing and restlessness in my soul that makes it hard for me to feel level-headed. summer makes me feel wild and reckless and inflamed with desires for constant motion and travel and adventure. the most difficult thing for me to do is stay in one place (as i am) and act like a practical adult (which i am). it is a tired metaphor, but i do feel like some kind of firecracker with a long fuse that has been ignited by this new england season of excesses, and it is only a matter of time before i explode. (will it be beautiful or merely loud?)

before = after